1820 readers will now only eat pies baked oven fresh on the West Coast...
This is indeed a very important question for modern society to ponder. This is how I would break it down:
Endurance
Tupac takes this area. His (slightly) better physical shape would allow him to partake in the physically draining act of using utensils for a longer period of time. Biggie would begin to tire after a short period of time and his heavy breathing would slow his pace.
Speed
Tupac takes this one too. His days as a back-up dancer prove that he is the quicker of the two. Here is a quote from a knowledgeable source that backs up this statement:
Big Daddy Pimp AKA Theodore James III, Beverly Hills: "2P@c iz 1 fa5t nicca! i seeen h1m 0utrun a bu11et aft3r getten sh0t 6 timez!!11! th@ts how he do!!!11!! biggE ain't 5hit!!!! wesss side fo life nicca!!!!!111! thug life til we DYE!!11!"
There you go. Tupac is faster than Biggie and would be able to shovel the pie into his mouth at a faster pace.
Co-ordination
Biggie wins out here. Through years of eating large amounts he has gained the ability to eat with either hand, with his eyes closed, no fork, with chop sticks, out of Diddy’s hands, off of Ma$e’s stomach, from a trough ... you name it, he can do it. Biggie's superior co-ordination in eating related areas gives him the edge here. Although, his chubby fingers make gripping the fork slightly more difficult.
Stomach Capacity
This one goes to Biggie too. His past food consumption has caused the walls of his stomach to stretch. His enlarged gut allows him to hold more pie at a time without feeling full, so he is able to continue eating comfortably for longer than Tupac. This is a big advantage.
Mouth Diameter
This is important as well. I'll use a graphical analysis for this one.
Tupac
Biggie
Determination
Any competition that is as taxing and demanding as a pie eating competition requires the participants to sacrifice their bodies and have the desire to win. Because of this, determination plays a very important role. The winner must force themselves to continue through the pain and eat on. It is my opinion that Tupac has a slight edge in this area. For evidence, here is an exert from one of his songs that shows his determination:
Peep me
I take this war shit deeply
I see too many real playas fall
to let you's bitch niggas beat me"
Final Decision
As you can see, this is a very close competition. The score is tied and both men scored some strong points. No one has really distanced themselves as the clear winner, so it is going to come down to a judgement call.
Ultimately, Biggie was not made for a pie eating contest. I think we already established that. If Biggie were a pie-eating robot named something like The Notorious Pie-Eater 3000, then he would be made for pie eating. As it stands now, he can barely edge out Tupac and his pitifully small mouth, so, my vote goes to... Method Man.
His constant, pot-induced hunger, coupled with his size, make him a force to be reckoned with in the pie-eating world.
As long as Method Man does not get so high that his motor skills are impaired, I can't see any celebrity defeating Method Man in a pie eating contest.
Wack niggaz get pimp slapped, give me some powder (preferably some flour in order to make pie crust)"
"I got that shit that make rappers shit in they shoes
Nasty M.C., I spit flows and spit in they food (especially their pie)"
Have you exchanged recipes with Afeni Shakur and would like to write about it?