Who Can Eat More Pie: Pac or Biggie?

The age old question, Pac or Biggie, who could eat more pie? Now, while I am very aware of Biggie's waistline, I have heard from various sources, such as quoteworld.com and hitmeup.com that Pac was quite the pie eater.

This is indeed a very important question for modern society to ponder. This is how I would break it down:

Tupac takes this area. His (slightly) better physical shape would allow him to partake in the physically draining act of using utensils for a longer period of time. Biggie would begin to tire after a short period of time and his heavy breathing would slow his pace.

Tupac takes this one too. His days as a back-up dancer prove that he is the quicker of the two. Here is a quote from a knowledgeable source that backs up this statement:

Big Daddy Pimp AKA Theodore James III, Beverly Hills: "2P@c iz 1 fa5t nicca! i seeen h1m 0utrun a bu11et aft3r getten sh0t 6 timez!!11! th@ts how he do!!!11!! biggE ain't 5hit!!!! wesss side fo life nicca!!!!!111! thug life til we DYE!!11!"

There you go. Tupac is faster than Biggie and would be able to shovel the pie into his mouth at a faster pace.

Biggie wins out here. Through years of eating large amounts he has gained the ability to eat with either hand, with his eyes closed, no fork, with chop sticks, out of Diddy’s hands, off of Ma$e’s stomach, from a trough ... you name it, he can do it. Biggie's superior co-ordination in eating related areas gives him the edge here. Although, his chubby fingers make gripping the fork slightly more difficult.

Stomach Capacity
This one goes to Biggie too. His past food consumption has caused the walls of his stomach to stretch. His enlarged gut allows him to hold more pie at a time without feeling full, so he is able to continue eating comfortably for longer than Tupac. This is a big advantage.

Mouth Diameter
This is important as well. I'll use a graphical analysis for this one.


As you can see, Tupac's mouth, when open, stretches to a diameter of only 1.5 inches. This is below average and certainly hurts his eating ability (as well as his ability to deep throat...). Here is a close up:

This is a serious blow to his chances. Although, I'm sure his girlish features were a hit in prison.


As illustrated above, Biggie's mouth diameter is much greater than Pac's. This allows him to consume far greater amounts of pie at a time; a valuable asset in a competition such as this.

Biggie's advantage of 0.87 inches in mouth diameter gives him a large advantage in this category. And that slick hat would serve as a perfect place to hold vomit following the competition.

Any competition that is as taxing and demanding as a pie eating competition requires the participants to sacrifice their bodies and have the desire to win. Because of this, determination plays a very important role. The winner must force themselves to continue through the pain and eat on. It is my opinion that Tupac has a slight edge in this area. For evidence, here is an exert from one of his songs that shows his determination:

"Niggaa close your mouth
Peep me
I take this war shit deeply
I see too many real playas fall
to let you's bitch niggas beat me"

Poetry. Those incredibly poignant lyrics are the words of a man who has desire and refuses to be beat. I salute you, and your lyrical genius, Mr. Shakur.

Final Decision
As you can see, this is a very close competition. The score is tied and both men scored some strong points. No one has really distanced themselves as the clear winner, so it is going to come down to a judgement call.

Ultimately, Biggie was not made for a pie eating contest. I think we already established that. If Biggie were a pie-eating robot named something like The Notorious Pie-Eater 3000, then he would be made for pie eating. As it stands now, he can barely edge out Tupac and his pitifully small mouth, so, my vote goes to... Method Man.

His constant, pot-induced hunger, coupled with his size, make him a force to be reckoned with in the pie-eating world.

Now that is an impressive mouth span. That man can eat some pie. Not only does Method Man have a much greater mouth diameter than either Tupac or Biggie, he also still has that proverbial hunger for success. Tupac and Biggie are widely regarded as two of the greatest rappers of all time, so they no longer have the same desire and motivation to succeed. Method Man, on the other hand, has not yet attained that level of acclaim and wealth, so he's still trying to prove himself. Winning pie-eating competitions would be a HUGE boost to his ‘street cred’ and rep. Tupac may be determined, but his success has bred complacency. Method Man, by contrast, is a man on a mission... and pie-eating is his method of choice.

As long as Method Man does not get so high that his motor skills are impaired, I can't see any celebrity defeating Method Man in a pie eating contest.

"Now who is he? Dope M.C. killin these cowards
Wack niggaz get pimp slapped, give me some powder (preferably some flour in order to make pie crust)"

"I got that shit that make rappers shit in they shoes
Nasty M.C., I spit flows and spit in they food (especially their pie)"